He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
