my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
