great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
FUCK WHALES
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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