i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
