At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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