After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
