the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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