didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
