Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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