you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
