They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
