Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
