And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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