Umm I'm too high to move.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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