She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
