Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Drake has all the answers
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
