her vagine was all disorganized.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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