I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
