It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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