First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
