And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
