Can i not drive my cunt home
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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