he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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