You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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