The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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