This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
