I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
