We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
