You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
