I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
