My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
