she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
