Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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