I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
