whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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