One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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