Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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