She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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