Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Found the puke drawer
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
