That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
