I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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