He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
