omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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