that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
