i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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