Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
