this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
