Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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