I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
