and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
