It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
