I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
