ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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