I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
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When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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