just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
