my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
