I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
