it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
