over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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