i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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