when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
