Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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