32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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