and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
