Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
