if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
