Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
