i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
