all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just googled if crying burns calories
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
