So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
