The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
