So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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