I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Someone signed my nipple.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
