We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
