I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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