I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
