Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
