pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
