Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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