she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
